Saturday, April 2, 2011

A lot of problems that i really need help with now, anyone up for the challenge?

i was diagnosed with adhd, rapid cycling bipolar, add, and adhd, i was diagnosed with these disorders around 9 years of age, i was on many diffrent kinds of meds, abilify, stratterah, depicote, well butron, shratera, concerta, rispidal ridilin, and more....i was told by a few ppl i would never live a hppy life or even be succeccful unless i was stabalized on medication for the rest of my life, i am 17 years olf now and have been off my medication for 2 years now, and still hangin in there. i will never take pills again for my disorders, i never felt it was right being so young being told abunch of information i can barely comprehend at the time, and being on so many medications. my brother, sister and i all 3 years apart 3 diffrent fathers, my sisters dad was my real dad until i was nine, i was really bad when i was younger and i used to get hit with the belt anywhere he could swing it, bloody lips black eyes, etc etc, but i wasnt bad to where i deserved that, no child does. i met my real father when i was 10 and he is and always was since boy-hood, an alcoholic, drug addict, child beater and wife beater, didnt talk to him till i was twelve i tried to make it work but i couldnt, i havent seen him since. when i was 8 years old i got bit by a huge australian shephard named kane bigger then i was at the time, and i was scared but my buddies parents wanted me to get used to the dog so i went to pet him, and the dog jumped and bit my face, right on each side of my nose about 2-3in long, and a puncture wound next to my right eye. i was 8 years old bit by a dog rushed to the emergancy room, they strapped me down to a baord, that had velcro that went accrosss my head chest waist legs and feet, nothing to help with pain and awake the whole time, as i watched the surgean stitch my bloody face back together..that same year i fell off a table and hit the other corner of my right eye and had to get butterfly stitches, and that same year i jumped off my dresser and cracked my head open on my bed frame, more stitches....last year i explouded my knee cuzing nerve damage, cramps in my legs, and somtimes my knee just pops out of place. got it stitched up. i was born with spondylothesis, and it is a f4/5 slip, which is the fourth and 5th vertibreh in my lower spine, it is at a grade 2 slipage...i have EXTREME and unbarable pain in my back every single second of my life and i have 60++ more years of torture coming my way, just throbbing, sharp shooting, acking back pain, but whats wierd is now my upper back hurts too and i do not know the cause. they want to do fusion sergury but my mom got worse back problems then before the surgery..after the surgery..with two huge scars, so no thnks, i cant bend over nd touch my toes for longer then 5 seconds without my back being in so much pain i after literally force my back to straighten out when i go to stand back up, sitting walking anything i do just extreme pain everywhere. i also have a split hair fracture in my neck, i am almost deaf, i really need to get a hearing aid, pisses me off how ppl have to repeat themselves 3-4 times. i have broken alot of bones, knuckles leg arm, fingers,, toes, anckle. my grandpa passed away in 06 but it still feels like we visiting yesturday. 5 year grief bad?? i almost cry when i hear his name as well, we were really close, my step dad my mom was married to for 6 years, he was the best father figure in my life.his heart exploded from an overdose suicicide and i cry when i think about him as well, that was june31/2010, my grandma which im closer then with my grandpa that passed in 06 is really sick with enthuseema, if u look at alot of these things its rlly f'd up cuz ok the bipolar,(anger, depression, hyper, happy, ) the drug ablify raises blood pressure, already had problems with that through genetics, my back pain, neck pain, joint pain, leg pain, nerve pain, ok....griefing for 5 years of someone i just cant let go of, im almost deaf, and everything else in this leads to a few things, more anger and irritation for the most part, being as young as 17 haveing all these issues and being in so much pain, and lol but it took a while for me to get 17 years of age and my generation can very well live longer then the 80 90 year olds today that pass from old age, so i have a very very VERY LONG way ahead of me of pain everyday and everysecond of my life, if i could give my thumb for a day without this much pain i would offer my hand, idk i have been really deppressed thinking about f'd up life is, i grew up with a christian/catholic family my whole life, but i rlly dont believe in god anymore, because all that has ever happened to me is bad, lol, very very very very bad luck...if there is anything that anyone can post on here that might help with any of these problems it would be much much much appriciated, i need some help nd i need answers, im going to the hospital tommarow because my back is hurting soo bad its almost un-barable, thanks,

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